“Do you know that there are more than 2,000 two letter words that are legal in a scrabble tournament. I will list them one by one now, so listen carefully. I will only repeat each letter three times....” ryhen, Scrabble King of Malaysia.
We are all boardgamers. Chances are, that if you are reading this article, you are already a full fledged member of boardgamecafe. So, the million dollar question is : what is a boardgamer? Yes, true, a big part of it, is of course, playing boardgames. Then there is also the physical aspect of it too. Below are some finer points on making your mark as a hardcore gamer. Follow these pointers and very soon, you will gain the ‘Respect’ of your non-gaming peers.
a) Personal Hygiene - Being gamers, we should never ever shower more than once a week (that’s what deodorants are for), bother to shave or even change our underwear. This is because, we as gamers will spend most of what little time we have, thinking about and playing boardgames. That’s how it should be. I mean, why waste precious minutes in a day to shower, shave or even bother to shop for new clothes. Games are our lifeline, and center of our universe. Everything else are just added distractions.
b) The Lingo - Gamers are a cool lot. We have our own group of ‘uber-cool’ gaming friends, so we tend to snub other non-gamers at our office, workplace, college and even at home. What is more cooler than having our very own language? Pepper your conversations and sentences with words like ‘Hotsun’, ‘Analysis Paralysis’, 18XX and ‘Eurogames’. And I can guarantee you that pretty soon, non-gamers will be intrigued to learn more about our exclusive hobby.
For example, if a colleague asked us a question like “What do you think of the meeting?”, we could reply with a simple “Well, it was like getting “Hotsun-ed” in 1856 right before the CGR was formed. And also, did you realize that the CEO of XYZ Corp was actually trying to pull a ‘Tempus’ on us? But we’re too smart for that, aren’t we? The things he spoke about was so deep that I was getting ‘Analysis Paralysis’ every 5 minutes. Did you see Chad, he was ‘Shanghai-ing’ poor Elisa in the boardroom, trying very hard to get a ‘priority deal‘ from her.”
See, it’s that easy...
c) Being Cool - Most ‘cool’ groups/cliques aren’t all that cool at all. Behind that facade of exterior coolness, lies an insecured, unintelligent, boring group. But, being part of the boardgaming crowd (especially the OTK group), we are fortunate because not only do we look so darn cool, but we are also cool inside (look at ryhen, he‘s the coolest of the bunch). So, stand tall and start walking like a boardgamer (legs apart, right hand above the chest with right wrist flicking furiously like you are rolling dice or shuffling some imaginary cards) and dress like one too (short, cream colored shorts with large pockets [make sure it is large enough to fit Twilight Imperium 3 in it], polo t-shirt with the words “boardgamecafe” on the front and “Memoir ‘44” on the back [you can order one from BGC or Jack208], and an extra extra large backpack to put your games in it [make sure it is spacious enough to fit Roads & Boats, Antiquity and Campaign for North Africa in it and still have enough space left for Descent : Journeys in the Dark]).
d) Accessorize, accessorize, accessorize... - A super-hardcore gamer’s arsenal includes (besides boardgames) a laminating machine (required), laminating sheets (preferably 120 microns and above), zip-lock baggies (small, medium, big, and extra large sizes required), ultra pro sleeves of all types and sizes, hot sealer (to laminate tokens, counters etc.), fishing tuck boxes of all sizes, card boxes (to house your cards), sticky wrap (to laminate 18XX tiles and gameboards), UV coating machine, and of course, the omnipotent heat shrink wrapper to turn your old junk into brand new games. Imagine this... with the uber heat shrink wrapper, you can bring a brand 'new' game to the gaming table every week. (eg. “Hey guys, wanna play with my ‘new’ Puerto Rico’ set? See, it‘s still in its shrink wrap, unopened...” “Darn, dude. That’s the 10th new in the box, shrink wrapped “Puerto Rico” set that you have brought out to play with us this month. We are really honored..”)
So, follow these pointers and in no time, you will become the ultimate geek gamer. Who knows, maybe one day you will even get a statue erected in your image with the words 'Ultimate Hardcore Eurogamer' etched on it. But one thing is for sure, you will definately be the envy of all your friends. Always remember: the smelly, twitching gamer always get the girl... Till next time - Zen emono!
=============The Zen of Boardgaming=============
Coming Soon - How to be a playa or Why do some gamers get all the girls...