Boardgamers are a sad lot. Most of us can't even hold a decent conversation with the opposite sex let alone go pass the strikeout stage. But, there is still hope.. a certain ladies man cum boardgamer has decided to let other boardgamers in on his secret on how to go for the homerun stretch. Let's name him Datuk L for now as he wishes to remain anonymous.
Me : Good morning, Datuk L.
Datuk L : Morning, Fried.
Me : So, I understand that you are a ladies man and here to save the entire boardgaming race from extinction. Am I right?
Datuk L : Yes, yes. I like it when you go straight to the point. Women like it too. *batting his eyelashes*
Me : Err.. ok, so, please continue..
Datuk L : Well, first of all, girls absolutely dig guys with a bad boy attitude. A boardgamer who throws tantrums when he is losing at games would definitely impress a lot of girls especially the ones in the next table. *He looks at the bevy of farangs in the next table and winks at them. The caucasian girls actually smiled at him back. Imagine that.* Extra brownie points for the gamer who overturns the table in mid game just as the other player is going for the win.
Me : Why is that? Please, Datuk, do explain.
Datuk L : It's simple. Every girl dreams of taming a bad boy. Or else, why do you think aanemesis is so popular with the girls. He is the epitomy of a rebel without a cause. Smoking his cigarettes, while playing a game of Arkham Horror, with a devil may care attitude. Come what may, with a come hither stare. And a really cool pair of sunglasses to boot.
Me : I see. So, what else? Please continue, sir.
Datuk L : Girls also swoon over gamers who know their stuff, know what I mean. *Datuk L briefly turn his head around and tip his top hat at a passing Eurasian girl. The girl then smiled and toss her name card to him. Then, I heard her whispered to him "Call me, please".*
Me : Umm.. actually, no.
Datuk L : Hmm... let me put it this way : girls are impressed by any gamer who knows the Advanced Squad Leader rulebook from front to back and can play the 18xx series really well. Also, it helps to speak the gaming lingo. Words like "Hot Sun", "Double Time", "Clear LOS to target" are generally the 'hot' words, if you catch my drift.
Me : That's so deep, man. But yeah, go on.
Datuk L : As I was saying, that's why, I'm the playa and you are just a gamer. *smirks*
Me : I see. Thank you for the insight.
Datuk L : No problem. Also another thing, girls generally go for guys who can splurge on boardgames, especially the rare and OOP ones. For example, if you are a girl, would you prefer a guy who has Age of Empires III, or the rich kid who owns Union Pacific, 1829 and Dune?
Me : I would definitely go for the rich kid... that is, if I were a girl, of course.
Datuk L : Yes. Yes. See my point here? It is very logical, no? Imagine if you are hitting on a girl in a certain gaming cafe, and you went "Hey baby, I just got Age of Empires III, wanna play?" The poor girl would probably go "Ewww.. AOEIII has really bad reviews, no thank you, sir. And get that ugly game out of my sight." But, if you went "Hey sugar, you so fly. I really dig you, lady. Why not you and me head over to that table over there and play my new '7 Ages' game. I heard it has sweet reviews.", there is a good chance that she would agree to play with you.
Me : Alright. Point taken.
Datuk L : So, anyway, I have to go now. Need to call someone really quick. I'll see you at the next boardgame meet, ya?
Me : Yes, O'Captain, my Captain. And thank you for taking time off your busy schedule to be interviewed.
Datuk L : The pleasure is all mine. It feels good to save you poor sops from extinction. Hehe.. Anyway, gotta go. Ciao!
So, there you go, I have divulge the secret to scoring with hot, unattainable girls. And we, at boardgamecafe are lucky enough to get the inside scoop (first hand) before it is presented to the rest of the gaming world. At least we are getting first dips here.
So, what are you waiting for? Go get 'em, Tiger.....
Till next time, people. Zen Emono.